Halloween Dare
by YouLittleRat
Summary: Kowalski's determination to be right just might be the death of him. (Please review)


The wind carries hundreds and hundreds of leaves through the zoo. Private swims on his back and watches them pass. He turns over, looks up and yelps. A jack-o-lantern bears down on him, surprising but not deadly. Private breathes deeply then jumps again at the sound of a cry. Outside of the habitat, a child buries his face into his mother's leg, away from a second jack-o-lantern. The zoo is teaming with them.

"Oh, oh baby. Shhh, come now. It's not that scary"

"Yes it is!" the child retorts.

"Agreed," adds Private.

"But jack-o-lanterns are good. Yes." The mother pushes her boy away and kneels to look him in the eye. "Do you want to know why?" The child rubs his eyes and looks at her. "Long, long ago, there was a man named Jack who was so evil even the devil wouldn't have him when he died. He kicked Jack out of hell and cursed him to wander the earth forever. So Jack took the ashes of his dark soul and put them into a hollowed gourd to light his way. (A gourd is a type of pumpkin). Jack's only way out of his sentence was to find somebody else to take his place. This is why we make jack-o-lanterns, so that Jack can see them and think that we're lost souls just like him. They're here to protect us."

"That's remarkable!" says Private, "I've got to tell everybody!"

"Jack the evil Ghost!" Kowalski scoffs, "Private you can't be serious?"

"I heard one of the mothers talking about him." Private looks at the floor of the H.Q.

"Oh young Private that was just a little white lie to keep the tyke from asking too many questions," Skipper says, lowering his newspaper.

"Then why do humans carve pumpkins?"

"To keep their sadistic tendencies satisfied so they don't leak out at odd times." Just then Rico shoots down the ladder and shouts something incoherent excitedly, gesturing topside.

"The candy's here!" yells Kowalski. They all drop what they're doing and race outside. Alice is holding a bullhorn and addressing a group of kids.

"As you all know the zoo has decided to give the animals animal-friendly treats for Halloween," she drones to the crowd, "The penguins are getting theirs right now, would you like to watch?" Despite Alice's lack-luster, all the kids jump up and down cheering.

"I just love these corporate money-grabbing ploys the zoo comes up with, especially when they result in snacks!" Skipper rubs his flippers together.

"Oooo! I wonder what we're gonna get?"

"Candy Private! Didn't you hear her? Candy!" Kowalski shakes Private.

"Kowalski, you're hurting me."

"Here we go!" sings Alice with false enthusiasm. She hurls a gargantuan fish into the habitat, nearly hitting the boys. It's wrapped prettily in a green taffy-like substance.

"**Fiiiish!**" cries Rico.

"Boys, this is the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. I think we should take a moment to- Stop Rico!" Rico busily attempts to shove the entire thing into his bottomless gullet. The other penguins dive at the rest of the fish hanging out of his mouth and tear it apart with their beaks. Private procures a bit of tail and swallows it. Satisfied, he glances to the side and notices an unlit jack-o-lantern. With a quick look to his comrades to determine they're still devouring the poor beast, Private slips into the pool and swims to the edge. The people grow bored of watching penguins attempt to choke themselves and wander off.

Hopping up when the coast is clear the penguin reaches into another lantern and takes it's candle. Using this, he lights the other, then returns it. Private smiles contently.

"Really Private?" Kowalski appears beside him.

"Doh! Kowalski! You scared me!"

"Private, I've explained this time and time again, non-corporeal forms simply cannot exist. It's pure science!"

"Your science cannot explain everything Kowalski."

"Uh, actually it can."

"I am tired of you trying to dampen my spirits with your lack of imagination."

"Lack of- Science was born out of imagination! Don't you lecture me about the power of inventiveness!" Kowalski waves his flippers angrily.

"Ha!"

Kowalski makes an extremely frustrated noise. "Alright Private I am going to prove it to you that Jack doesn't exist. I am going to stay up all night, outside, without a single sliver of light!"

"Don't do that, He'll get you!" But Kowalski just shakes his head, smiling at Private.

"Let's see, I have a watch, tape recorder, a comfy pillow…"

"You don't have to do this Kowalski, really" Private pleads the bird that dutifully checks things off his clipboard. "This isn't worth it."

"…I've gone to the washroom and that's about it." Kowalski doesn't acknowledge him. "There! I am ready to perform the classic Halloween dare."

"But I didn't dare you."

"Now all I have to do is turn out the lights." As if on cue, a deep moan comes from all around and all the jack-o-lanterns blow out. "Well that was easy."

"Didn't you hear that moan?"

"Down you go Private, the rules state that I have to do this alone." Kowalski pushes Private towards the H.Q. entrance.

Private climbs in. He pauses and asks, "What rules?"

"The Halloween dare rules of course." Kowalski places the food dish back snugly. He then shuffles over to his pillow and turns on the tape recorder. "Kowalski's logue. Twenty-one hundred hours. Nothing to report."

Later, a mist settles over the zoo. Kowalski leans over his tape recorder and yawns. "Kowalski's logue. Midnight. Still –yawn- nothing to report. Although now that I've started this logue I'm beginning to wonder why I don't have a title like Skipper or Private. It would make this sound much more authoritative." An owl hoots and the penguin looks up. "No wait," he pauses, "I have to pee again." He stands and starts off but then hears the snap of a twig. "Hello? Someone there?" Nothing happens. He gives a nervous giggle. "Sleep depravation. Getting to me."

Kowalski turns away again but another twig snaps, this time behind him. "Okay! That's it! Show yourself!" Silence. "You're not getting to me!" he calls, voice cracking, "I can fight in the dark with one flipper tied behind my back!" Kowalski stares hard into the thick, thick fog. It's getting so that he cannot even see the bars around the habitat. He glances at the food dish.

"No, no" he tells himself, "No need for that, it's just my ears playing tricks." Kowalski steps backwards and unknowingly knocks the tape recorder into the water. He screams at the splash. Images of _something _jumping into the water after him flood through his mind. Kowalski leaps over the opposite side and swims as if the imaginary creature's right behind him. He shoots out of the water and smacks his beak into the bars. It's painful but he keeps moving. The bird bolts away with his fins in the air and screaming at the top of his lungs.

He ducks behind a trashcan. "I need a light, I need a light, everything will be better with a light." Looking up he beholds a glorious jack-o-lantern ready to save him. He snatches two sticks out of the trash and climbs into the pumpkin. Rubbing them together, Kowalski mumbles, "come on, come on." He stops. The distinctive sounds of footsteps are coming in his direction. He starts rubbing more vigorously. "Come on, come on." The footsteps get closer. "Come on, come on." The sticks light. "Yes!" They go out. "NO!" Kowalski jumps out of the pumpkin, takes it, heaves it up and hurls it at his would-be attacker. Without looking back he runs through the zoo.

Gasping and holding his sides, Kowalski leans against the back of the zoovenir shop, hidden. He smacks himself across the beak. "Get a hold on yourself soldier. There's no such this as ghosts!" He peeks around the corner. "It's probably just a common, ordinary lurker. Yeah. Here to kill me for no reason."

"Kowalski," someone calls eerily over the distance. Kowalski ducks his head back and whimpers. The voice gets closer. Unable to resist, he peeks again a _teeny tiny _bit. Through the mist he sees a lantern swinging. He silently screams and looks away in horror. Then he jumps around, searching for something, anything to use as a weapon. "Kowalskiii." The voice is almost on top of him.

"Dah!" Kowalski holds up a rod from the ground and swings over and over again at the fiend.

"Ah! Ah! Ow! Kowalski stop!" He yields. There, lying on the ground with a lantern, is Private. "What was that for?"

"Private! It's you! It was you all along!" Private stands.

"Why'd you keep running away from me? And why did you throw that pumpkin at me?"

"There were twigs snapping! And a splash! I-I-" Kowalski stammers, trying to explain. "What are you doing out here anyways?"

"I heard a scream and came to check on you. –gasp- You thought I was Jack didn't you?!"

"No…"

"For a moment your brain denied all reason and ran away with itself!" Private snickers.

"It was a very tense situation!" Private's laughing now. Kowalski groans.

"-sigh- Well I'm glad you're alright. I was worried about you."

Kowalski sighs too. "I think I've had enough of ghost hunting for tonight. Let's just agree to disagree on the non-corporeal front."

"Okay. Lets go home."

Suddenly, the lamp goes out.

"Did you do that?"

"No."

A twig snaps.

"Ahhhhhhh!" The both scream.

The end.


End file.
